I bear that stigma everywhere with frowns and sideways glances. Bless you mamas. I am close to being 59 years old now and I felt that I already had too much on my plate to take more than the 2 year old. 5 of our children are adopted. You took me in when I had no other placements, especially after you were done doing foster care, … I praise the Lord for allowing people to desire to grow their family by reaching out to orphans and giving them hope of a forever family. And it took a long time for my son to call me Mom, or my daughter to say the words “I love you”. I'm grateful that baby E and princess K had all three of the Kassem siblings to look up to and learn from. I really wish we had never moved near my family, that way I could still give them the excuse of distance. Disney released news that they will be releasing tons of different new movies this coming year, especially for Marvel. I too am the youngest mom I know with a teen. For all of you in the middle of it…hang in there and may God be by your side. Thank you. After a year of making more sacrifices than most mothers to care for my broken children, still they tell me their hearts are only half as full as they were before – with their father. Keep up the great work!!! I was shocked at the amount of negativity we received. With a pandemic, quarantine, and several other events during 2020, having the year finally come to an end feels like a much-needed relief for almost anyone! I so understand your thoughts and struggles, as I’ve gone through many of the same things. Kristen Haddox, Penn State University4. Hi! Now 34 years old, she wrote this open letter to the sixteen foster families who cared for her and taught her lessons that influenced her well into adulthood. First of all, congratulations to this beautiful family who have sacrificed so much. Instead there were questions, glares, and stares. Celebrate every day, I know every woman longs to feel life inside her and get the baby shower and support and well wishes and sometimes life does not give us these joys. Healing. Thank you for the good you are bringing into this world. We are now nine months into quarantine, and to say it hasn't been good on our bodies would be an understatement. After 12+ years, I still hear negative comments from church, family, and strangers. So sad. God Bless. Our pinched faces may seem to plead for hugs and kisses. When did it become everyone else’s business?? I stifled a giggle and proudly announced, “Because they all have different fathers!” (Our children did not end up attending that school). Clearly, in their minds, my husband was the saint who had taken in me and my two children that I had conceived by another man. I’m still a work in progress, so I’ve had to forgive the heartless comments, family rejections, and church judgements. I pray God will open their eyes too the truth of love and adoption. I am both proud of and inspired by my parents for all of the kind and hard work they have done, but I am more so happy for the children who I now know never go a day without being loved.”, -Note: Due to the rules and regulations the foster care program has and is enforcing, the names of the foster children have been kept anonymous.-. How can people be *so* cruel? She calls me on Sundays to tell me about her week; she calls me Mom. You can really meet the love of your life on a dating app, and I know that because I did almost four years ago. I wish I could sit with her and let her talk, and let her cry those tears that soothe our souls from within. From my own family I’ve had my children referred to as “not really ours.” I’ve been asked repeatedly why my body is unable to produce a “real” child. We took a few months off and then welcomed our first forever angel into our home. As someone who is planning to adopt later on in life, not because I can’t physically have kids, but just because I have come to love other children who are adopted by other families, come to love my own furry kids who are adopted from shelters, I know that in the end, these children will recognize what you are doing. We need privacy. No tears, no quavering voice, no trembling chin. Yes, raising special needs children is rough. There are unique challenges for sure in adoption relationships…but there are MORE unique blessings too! -Dan Kassem. She is doing well, she is with the woman she bonded with. Foster family homes. Half of them are raising awareness of needs and helping others to understand what it will look like if you become a foster parent. They are grown now doing well. I don't even mean that you're ignorant to the traumas of foster children...because you're that too. Let Him fight your battle for you. Maturity. The nurse had the wrong room. By the way, doctors are not always right. This was amazing, beautiful and heartbreaking to read! We openly talk about their biological parents. There are no words really….what a beautiful testimony of love and sacrifice. I’d like to say I understand, but I don’t. But through God’s promises, there is progress. I’ve been told that if I try to have another biological baby that it will kill me. My happiness and excitement for these infants excited me so much I forgot that they would eventually have to leave. They are not talked about openly, but instead with gossip and rumer. No maternity pics, no baby showers. You are my parents, not my “foster” parents, nothing about our relationship was just you fostering me. Raising them as if they were your own, loving them more and more with every passing day. Hearing them call you "Mommy" and "Daddy", teaching them how to share, dropping them off at preschool, and then having to one day say goodbye for good. I focused on my daughter and the things she was dealing with. My daughter asks about her mother, who died giving birth – she has no memory of her at all, yet something in her longs to have answers. I’m an adoptive mother. Bermuda’s foster parents – and people who supported them – were celebrated in the Senate yesterday. It was always so frustrating. Look 2020 straight in the face and know that you're better because of it. There is a terrible problem in our society with parents mistreating their children and foster parents are in dire need. Yes. I wasn’t adopted until I was 16 years old though. I have two stepsons and an adopted daughter. Iris and Dan have done everything in their power to provide for these children as if they were their own and I could not be more inspired than I am when I think about the great things they are doing. You will never regret the sacrifices you have made for your chosen children. I’ve heard it suggested to me that my infertility is a sign that I’m not meant to be a mother. To look back at the situation i was in, it is only by God’s grace that I have been allowed to follow Him, to encourage others, to give Him all the glory despite the hardships of abuse, both phyiscally and sexually from a very young age. By. Menu Houston Moms Blog A collaborative blog written BY local moms, FOR local moms. My prayers are with this family and and anyone who has had the honor and privilege to adopt/foster. They really wanted to know their history. It often doesn’t make sense to others. My husband has 2 biological children and the other 5 were adopted. Oh my heart breaks! It makes me sad how some people can only imagine a family as something biological. Dear Parents, Oh, you two. Your role may be thankless, but it isn’t unnoticed. I just came across this blog. The nicer you are, the worse we may feel. My two sons were two of those kids placed with us. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this, in my church we had individuals that Fostered children and we readily excepted them.Everyone loved the children and were always sad to see them move on, because they developed an attachment. Explore. I believe it is a calling, just like so many other callings that I could not even begin to fill because God has not asked of me nor prepared me for! But at least with these little ones (in a new town for us), people here brought gifts of diapers, goods, and money. It breaks my heart that it is often the Christians leading the charge to hurt one another. I don’t know why God does what he does but I do know this- those super lucky kiddos could not have a better family. May God bless you as you continue on your journey. Her crimes? Thankfully, there are people like the Kassem Family who step up and dedicate their life to helping others and, thankfully, their huge, caring hearts make up for the adults whose hearts aren't as big and whose arms aren't as wide open. Bio-mom is a Meth user and more or less homeless. Later that day it suddenly hit me–like a light bulb went on and I said it’s not about my age or my plate…it’s about helping another HUMAN BEING!!! Clare Regelbrugge, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, Sign in to comment to your favorite stories, participate in your community and interact with your friends. It’s apparent to us, and them, by the lack of interest in their lives, never showing up to sporting events, school functions, 4H shows, not receive equal gifts at holidays and birthday and being set apart in the church youth scene…it’s sickening and depressing and infuriating. Start integrating little things that make you feel good each day. I recently found myself reflecting on what advice I had received and offered while navigating young adulthood. My daughters are now in their 20’s and doing well. Most children are in foster care because of a history of abuse or neglect. With the relationship I have with my siblings, I know the importance of the love between a brother and sister. Thank you so much for all your words that you wrote, all of them is what I have felt over the years, it is so nice to know that I am not the only one who has gone through or thought these things. Thank you for loving the unlovely, healing the hurt, guiding the lost and correcting inappropriate behavior. Wow! "Three years ago we wanted to make a lasting difference in a child's life. May God bless this woman for her obedience. I remember reading Ephesians and knowing how blessed I am to have been chosen by God- and doubly blessed that my parents could also choose me. But I don’t know how we go about changing that. It is I who pay for her sins on a daily basis in my effort to help heal their wounds – the wounds she inflicted. I am glad that I am on the other side of those first struggles and our oldest is now such a blessing. It’s amazing what children can overcome. Editors Note: At this year’s Empowered to Connect Conference, Amanda Purvis,Training Specialist, shared this letter she wrote to fellow adoptive and foster parents.We’ve published the letter here in hopes that it letter will encourage parents doing some of the very hardest work of caring for children from hard places. The youngest doesn’t remember her mom but my oldest do and the love wow but I know that God will see me through so I continue to press but it’s really hard sometimes . We had a great support system during our adoptions – baby showers, meals, etc. My Mom and my Dad are my Mom and my Dad. But, it would be a joy, and an honor, to be in the ranks of families like your’s. My son is now the same age that I was when he was born, 14. You are an amazing woman for giving up so much and continuing to do so for children you sought out and chose to fall in love with. I still have boughts of my inner voice saying “God must not have meant for you to be a mother” but its a lie. I commend you and I know your Father in heaven does, so stay strong, Mama! In our interview, the admissions director turned to me, with glasses half cast, and said “you don’t know who the father is?” I replied no since my daughter was adopted (& had she reviewed the app first, she would have seen that). Our beautiful angel came into our lives a week shy of her 7th birthday. Although I’ve entered motherhood in every sense of the term, my children do not call me mom – I’ve not yet earned that title. In the summer of 2012, my best friend and her family made an extreamly courageous and selfless decision to foster children in need and in September of 2013 were accepted into the program!! Not everyone understands the pain of infertility, and that makes me grateful. We have learned such stupid statements and somehow we agree with them and loose what is real and valuable. Just keep on loving them and teach them the love of God, transcends everything, His love covers a multitude of sins. Foster care is meant to be temporary until a permanent living arrangement is found. An Open Letter from a Foster Adoptive Parent. Nothing like that. May 14, 2015 - Poignant letter from a foster mom offers hope to biological moms who are apart from their children. These are words that must be shared. To tell it in your own words, without fear or shame. God bless this woman and her family. Our parents haven’t celebrated this at all and my mom keeps telling me what hard work it will be. She now understood she would never see her birth mom again. I remember people asking why even bother since I was already 16, and that when by the time I get used to writing the my new last name I’d be getting married….. so I’d just have to change it again. As previously stated, when I first heard my best friend and her family would be fostering, I was super excited and so stoked. That’s how I feel about my parents. I am so sorry to hear this. Whose anger creates such a tornado force in our lives. I have never witnessed a love so raw and so deep than the love that they show for baby E and princess K. Before Iris and Dan, my image of the foster care program was a lot different and I can thank lifetime movies and abc family for that one. I pay for sins that are not mine in the face of society. I also urge you to share specifically this offering to your children. . They have become a product of this western culture mindset and world view-how tragic! I look forward to bringing some of our children home through adoption. Thank you for being one of the most significant, lifelong influences in … My husband being adopted himself, and me always having a heart for that, we decided to go that route. An Open Letter to Kids in Foster Care. Updated: November 5, 2020 Guest 71 Comments This post may contain affiliate links. I was unable to have children due to medical reasons and desired a baby so bad. There is no book on how to love broken people, other than the Word of God! That term is reserved for the woman who horribly abused them. Not too surprised though, people were very surprised that she was adopted, and I met one of my best friends (another older mom) that first year. May it encourage other adoptive or foster moms in their unique challenges as parents! I hope this letter is both encouraging and convicting–and will build empathy. I wish we could have coffee together right now because I believe YOU, too, can confidently create a healthier home for your loved ones--without becoming exhausted or overwhelmed. I love them so much. My foster child is my child We are all in this together! After adopting 5 children from Ethiopia and China,this letter was like a sweet salve to my heart.Though we received our children as very young toddlers,they have no ties or remembrance to anyone,it’s all the comments made here in America.Whether it be the people at church,who haven’t made the connection of our adoption into the family of God through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.Or people we meet in stores,libraries and restaurants,who are African American and they single out my children who are the same color and begin to insert their race poison.I have to take them home and ‘undo’ the comments.It brings such a pulling apart of our family.We ARE a family,though we come from all parts of the world,we share the same last name,the same morning devotions and faith in Jesus Christ.We love to play instruments together and sing.We share in each others burdens….but the pain and frustration of such ignorance,and in these ‘modern’ times where we should have some wisdom on this beautiful position called adoption,still gets me…especially when it affects my older children.Thank you for sharing this,I’m not alone and that means a great deal. 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